Category: Let's talk
well, a lot of discussion has happen with reference to Terri Schiavo, the brain damaged woman who has been left to die by having her feeding tubes removed. A lot of people have criticised her husband because he has moved on, now has another woman, and children from that relationship. So what I was wondering was, if you were in that situation and your partner fell into a coma, would you stay? and if it was you, would you want your partner to stay? or would you want them to move on and find happyness elsewhere. also, if that partner simply became disabled, ended up in a wheelchair or whatever, would you stay then?
I think if my partner became disabled and had to use a wheelchair to get around, I would stay. No question, because I would love them unconditionally. However, if I were ever in a coma, I would want my partner to stay, but only if I knew I would eventually come to. However, iff my partner was ever in a coma, I would stay, because I would still love them unconditionally. I would know that the same person that I loved was still be in there in spirit. I don't blame Terri's former husband for leaving her; it must be hard to make such a choice.
If I were in a coma/brain dead I'd want first of all to be aloud to let go and move on to whatever is awaiting us all, and second my husband to find happiness. I'd feel that my life was vertually over, why should his be as well? Next, if he were in a coma/brain dead I too would want to move on. I wouldn't just walk out. I'd try anything within reason to bring him back, but because his life is basically over, does that mean mine has to be? However if he were in a wheel chair I'd feel different. I'd stay, and do all I could to help him, and be completely faithful.
hmm, first of all, the fact that he is in another relationship isn't right, considering the fact that it's apparent that his wife has an understanding of what is going on around her! That however, is for a different post though, I'd stay by my wife whatever happened because I'd of made a promise to be there for her through sickness and in health. Same goes for if she was in a wheel chair. I would expect my partner to do what they felt most suitable for them. thanks, Ray!
well I think whether or not she has understanding is a difficult issue. I mean I think no one actually really knows. the parents say she does, the doctors say she doesn't. My thinking is that the parents say what they want to be the case - nobody wants to think of their child as a vegetable. As for a partner staying/moving on, what would you consider to be moving on, after all, could you just turn around, go out and look for someone else and never look back? Personally I don't think I could. Yes I think it would be possible to move on and find love with someone else, and if I was left in that state I certainly wouldn't want a partner to stay faithful to me knowing I might never wake up. However, doesn't finding a new love raise some further issues? If you walked out on the partner who was left pvs, could you really make a clean break? could you move on and find happyness in the knowledge that you'd left a partner in a hospital bed just waiting to die? or would you at least visit, and if so, what issues would that have for your new partner. Could you have a relationship with someone knowing they had a wife/husband/partner in a vegetative state in a hospital bed somewhere?
If my bf was in accoma I'd stay... and If I were in accoma I'd want him to stay with me, and Ray you have a good point...
Karrie
I wouldn't want to be in a coma that long, my hole family knows if that ever happens and I won't come out of it, I want to just get it over with, if they're not sure, give me a little time but not 15 years. If my g/f or if I was maried though neither looke likely, but if it ever did happen and they were in a coma, I'd stay loyal to her until the end and ending it would be very hard to deal with.
SB, I think you'd need to be up front about your life if you were to find a new partner. I feel like someone who really loved you (if you were going through this) would understand your predicament and that you pay occasional visits, perhaps, to your partner even if you've moved on. I think, at least to me, if I was dating a girl who had been through this and had a partner in this state I would find it charming and fascinating of her to still go pay him a visit every now and then, I wouldn't be threatened or discomforted by it, I'd almost rather feel that way if she just ditched her past completely.
One never forgets about one's past relationships good or bad, I believe, friends family and our previous partners (if we have any) made us who we are, taught us things, with them we experienced some wonderful moments, of course in the case of past relationships apparently we experienced some bad ones but if someone expected me to pretend like I never had a partner in the past and I wasn't allowed to remember those relationships or moments or take my experiences from them that person wouldn't understand me or love me for who I am. Being hung up on a past partner of course is different and there is a line but I think having experienced this closeness with someone in general is not something to be discounted, possibly even more so if the end of that relationship was brought about by a stroke or a sudden accidents.
As for wheel chair or a partner yet in a conscious state, it very much depends. I'd like to think of myself as a person who wouldn't care and would go through whatever trouble to keep the person happy that I made promises to but if I ended up truly unhappy and the other person was aware of this it might not work out that way. I think we'd never know until we experience it. I know I wouldn't just walk away obviously.
Cheers
-B
Yes I bloody well would on friday I could so easily have lost Ardeth and it never once crossed my mind to leave,in the end I was ordered to go home and rest.
....however as Ms Schiavo is unaware of her husband's presence, I don't blame him for moving on and all credit to his new partner for supporting him through this terrible ordeal...
If I or my partner were to be in a coma or had a serious accident/disability, I would stay with him and likewise expect him to stay with me, especially
if we were married. The vows do include "in sickness and in health," so yeah. If I were to get a brain injury that made me perminantly disabled, I would
want to still live. I'd also not mind taking care of or visiting my partner if he were in that situation. If I were in a coma, I'd want to stay alive
for a certain amount of time I think (not sure how long exactly), I don't know, it would be hard to think what I'd want if in a coma, as some people recover
but some don't; you just never know on that one.
As for whether I would move on, I honestly can't see myself moving on, especially while he was still alive, because whether or not he's aware of it, he's
still there. I'd still be with him, that accident was just something that happened, and I'd want to be with him thru that. If he wanted to end his life
and he was aware of things, I'd honestly have a hard time with that. I mean I think I'd respect that in that I would tell the doctor of it if I was sure
that he actually wanted that, and I would have had him put it in writing. (Hopefully we would have discussed this stuff early on.) I wouldn't want to
physically help him end it though to be honest. If he didn't say or write anything about it, I'd want to have him with me as long as I was able to, and
like I mentioned, I'd take care of and/or visit him.
Leilani
id stay with my partner no matter what the circumstances may be, and id hope that theyd do the same for me.
I'd stay with my partner... I don't care why or what happened to them. I'd want them to stay with me... in sickness and in health.